A continuation.

Classes have started up again and so have the long boring subway rides. I realised I had some unfinished business.

You may want to read this first if you want to understand what's going on below.

I think they always knew that if they left any kind of safety net they may have taken advantage of it and gone back. Since both my parents did a fair amount of business and personal travel back in those days we had bank accounts scattered throughout various hubs in Asia-Pacific. Thathi is always amazed by how quickly we were able to close out all the accounts and have all our other affairs ready to go. I think the entire process from start to finish was only six months?

So we left and it was far from easy. I don't think I ever asked my parents what they expected when we came, but I know whatever their expectations were, our first year euthanised those expectations completely. After trying my hand at moving to London the respect I have for what my parents did has increased. There were times when I felt desperate and I would think back to our earlier months in Canada. As a single person I was stressed out and I couldn't wrap my head around how difficult it would be with a young family. But they succeeded and our life here is equal in some aspects to the one we had back in Sri Lanka. No one regrets coming here.

So all those months ago when I was taking the piss put of that person's blogpost Thathi turned to Ammi with conviction and said, "I guess we'll be able to go home for good soon." Ammi gave him the usual rant about Tamils being marginalised etc (whole other blogpost kids. It's something along the lines of a Theodore Kaczynski style manifesto). But she seemingly agreed and I called bullshit.

You see, my parents? They sometimes forget what they were like when they were young and tell people that coming to Canada was about safety concerns. They couldn't deal with the suicide bombs and the general tension. Sure. It must've sucked, but it's also a steaming pile of crap.

I think you've gathered by now (especially those of you that know the parents) they're not your run of the mill Sri Lankan parents or even Sri Lankans for that matter. Regardless of if there was a war or not, they still would've hightailed the shit out of there.

Growing up I used to think they were cowards for leaving. I didn't really start to understand what their real motivations for leaving were until I went back to work in Colombo, that experience is very different from being a tourist. After the novelty of the first year wore off I felt like I was suffocating. The culture clash was too difficult for me to deal with and I finally understood why Ammi was happy that I don't have any Sri Lankan friends and Thathi was stoked when I decided working in Colombo wasn't for me. They left Sri Lanka because they wanted to, not because they had to. Both of them were being stifled to a breaking point and I know that feeling well. Whenever I try to explain my own restlessness to other people I can barely put it into words. Toronto is my home and there's no other place in the world that will ever take that place, but it doesn't mean I want to live here forever.

And that's the same reason my parents left. So no, they won't be flocking to Colombo with the other retirement aged members of the diaspora. (Lately there's been barely a peep of such talk.) I also guess this is the same reason that the two of them have been so damn supportive of all my harebrained schemes. The next of which may or may not involve a move to the States, Australia or Korea.

Who knows? I definitely don't that's for sure.

| Nerdery.

New brown shoes and the Canadian Press Style Guide for this semester's course on writing press releases. Exciting!

Don't really know why, but I always have to buy a new pair of shoes before school starts. It doesn't feel like the start of a school year without them (see above for new shoes). I've gone through a smidge over two decades of first day of school jitters and excitement. Like many other scholars who've been headed back to the books this month I too view my year as 'beginning' in the fall. January is set aside for looking back at the calendar year, but September has always been about setting goals and trying to figure out how to achieve them. Unsurprisingly, 20+ years of school and I still haven't a bleeding clue. If anything the future seems so much hazier now than ever before. Of course I have an idea of where I want to be academically and careerwise in the next couple of years. The difference though is that I'm not as consumed by it.

I look back at my younger self sometimes and want her to a) stfu and b) chill the shit out. If you ask aiya he'll readily tell you that out of the two of us I was the one born with the silverspoon shoved up my ass. No denying that and I'm not ashamed of it either. This can however be problematic because I'm prone to be an irritating overachiever. Even though lately people have started to grow concerned that I'm still in school, working in a field that I never in a million years expected to be in, I don't give a shit. I'm not just managing, I'm excelling in what I do. Guess the reason why I'm generally so 'meh' about the entire thing is that I will never let work define who I am and instead I'll hang on to school for as long as I can. Even though I don't need to be doing there's still some thrill left in education.

Here's to being a lifelong nerd.

Cheers.