Classes have started up again and so have the long boring subway rides. I realised I had some unfinished business.
You may want to read this first if you want to understand what's going on below.
I think they always knew that if they left any kind of safety net they may have taken advantage of it and gone back. Since both my parents did a fair amount of business and personal travel back in those days we had bank accounts scattered throughout various hubs in Asia-Pacific. Thathi is always amazed by how quickly we were able to close out all the accounts and have all our other affairs ready to go. I think the entire process from start to finish was only six months?
So we left and it was far from easy. I don't think I ever asked my parents what they expected when we came, but I know whatever their expectations were, our first year euthanised those expectations completely. After trying my hand at moving to London the respect I have for what my parents did has increased. There were times when I felt desperate and I would think back to our earlier months in Canada. As a single person I was stressed out and I couldn't wrap my head around how difficult it would be with a young family. But they succeeded and our life here is equal in some aspects to the one we had back in Sri Lanka. No one regrets coming here.
So all those months ago when I was taking the piss put of that person's blogpost Thathi turned to Ammi with conviction and said, "I guess we'll be able to go home for good soon." Ammi gave him the usual rant about Tamils being marginalised etc (whole other blogpost kids. It's something along the lines of a Theodore Kaczynski style manifesto). But she seemingly agreed and I called bullshit.
You see, my parents? They sometimes forget what they were like when they were young and tell people that coming to Canada was about safety concerns. They couldn't deal with the suicide bombs and the general tension. Sure. It must've sucked, but it's also a steaming pile of crap.
I think you've gathered by now (especially those of you that know the parents) they're not your run of the mill Sri Lankan parents or even Sri Lankans for that matter. Regardless of if there was a war or not, they still would've hightailed the shit out of there.
Growing up I used to think they were cowards for leaving. I didn't really start to understand what their real motivations for leaving were until I went back to work in Colombo, that experience is very different from being a tourist. After the novelty of the first year wore off I felt like I was suffocating. The culture clash was too difficult for me to deal with and I finally understood why Ammi was happy that I don't have any Sri Lankan friends and Thathi was stoked when I decided working in Colombo wasn't for me. They left Sri Lanka because they wanted to, not because they had to. Both of them were being stifled to a breaking point and I know that feeling well. Whenever I try to explain my own restlessness to other people I can barely put it into words. Toronto is my home and there's no other place in the world that will ever take that place, but it doesn't mean I want to live here forever.
And that's the same reason my parents left. So no, they won't be flocking to Colombo with the other retirement aged members of the diaspora. (Lately there's been barely a peep of such talk.) I also guess this is the same reason that the two of them have been so damn supportive of all my harebrained schemes. The next of which may or may not involve a move to the States, Australia or Korea.
Who knows? I definitely don't that's for sure.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
A continuation.
Labels:
ammi,
diaspor-ick,
i'm a 'tard,
iphone,
la familia,
london calling,
memoir,
motherland,
oh yes Toronto
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1 comment:
Can you not put a chooti tweet when you put a post? Missing all the gossip meya!
I wonder about what you're saying. All of Amma's family who're over here came over here because Gramps thought they'd have a better future here and they were in the thick of the war in Jaffna when they left. Amma being the 2nd oldest was already in Colombo, married and kidded up so she didn't have to deal with the war like the rest of her siblings. We lived in Colombo with the threat of the bombs and the checkpoints but I never realised it was different anywhere until I went to India on holiday at 15 and saw somewhere with no checkpoints, no discernible weirdness between people based on race! Probably why I love it in England so much and never want to go back to work in SL, but things are changing here.
I think this place is home now. Well, as much home as anywhere else. SL maybe a tiny bit more home than anywhere else, but it doesn't mean we should be beholden to it. The Motherland concept is stupid too. It's kinda like how I want to stab my eyes with a fork when my mates start wanking over "the good old College days". Fucking hell, we paid our monies and school did its work. It also failed us a shitload of times. Institutional racism, cronyism, nepotism, favouritism and all that but people seem to be able to forget all that when they reminisce. Same about SL. People will happily wank over how awesome it was to be able to drink bad arrack and eat good kottu, but have trouble recalling the bit when their mate got remanded because he forgot a fucking piece of paper!
The culture clash and hypocrisy was really fucking terrible even for someone living there. The following stand out in memory. The girlfriend whom I had to pick up about half a mile away from her place because her parents wouldn't approve of her being seen with a Tamil boy. WTF? We were 18. It being casually stated in conversations that I'd never get into a senior position in the school hierarchy due to my race (looking back on it I cannot believe that happened). The omnipresent casual racism. All of which are pretty fucked up when you reflect on them. I guess at least it's good to know one is evolving their viewpoint?
Home is overrated anyway. When I get my Gulfstream, that will be where my heart is!
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