Wednesday, August 09, 2006

A House Guest


Aww shiz. Ollie frustrated about the end of his summer being effectively ruined.

*eep* I'm puppy sitting at the end of August! Ollie's going to die of jealousy, but whatevs.

Elisa's puppy Charlemagne, who I intend on calling Charlie, beside some ugly plastic flowers. See how tiny he is! I want to put him in my mouth. She and Dirk are driving to Montreal this Friday to pick him up.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Today's Top Story:

3 Dead After Planes Collide in Caledon.

I've been hearing that phrase looped for the last 2 hours. A guy from church was one of the victims. He has a wife and a 5.5 month old baby boy. I don't think he was much older than Aiya. Went back to school to become a pilot and fulfill a lifelong dream.

I'm a bit speechless at the moment.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

This post is brought to you by...

...my inability to do math, and boredom in an English lecture amongst other things.

Um. I can't do math. And neither can Alby, or Tool for that matter. But you guys know that already. Out of the three of us I'd have to say I'm the worst, Alby does accounting all day. And Tool? Well, Tool can at least multiply past 11. Don't know how good she is with long division though. Because long division? That's a freaking whole new ballgame right there.

I'm an artsy, I don't need math. The only time it ever crops up is when I'm vainly attempting to calculate my GPA, and then I just get Fanners to do it for me. However in the last week I've become painfully aware of how much I suck with numbers because the scenarios to use them in have seemingly increased. And it's only Thursday!

Scenario 1
Was buying a spiral bound notebook from Dollarama. As the name of the store suggests, all the items are priced at $1.00, but this particular notebook was 0.99. I had a $20.00 bill on me and some loose change, and I didn't want to break the 20. I tried to calculate what my total would be with tax since the GST+PST comes to 14%. A smart person (or one like me whose hindsight is 20/20) would've priced the notebook at $1.00 for the sake of simplicity. Of course that's not what I did. It ended in frustration, and I resigned myself mentally to breaking the 20. And the notebook? Eventually I sheepishly paid for it with a Loonie, one dime and a nickle. I felt charitable and let the cashier keep the penny.

Scenario 2
Wtf is up with taxes? Seriously. Usual rule of thumb when tipping your waitstaff in Toronto is to give them whatever the tax is. But what if you can't add the tax up? Then be thankful to God that you've gone for lunch with Whoren, who although will ridicule you, and make fun of your inability to add said taxes up, will eventually stop laughing long enough to do it for you.

Scenario 3
Usually when I head out to the grocery store I park by the loading bay. In order to get to the store entrance from this particular spot I've got to pass the grocery monkeys taking their smoke breaks. The beer scale rating system is awesome, and often never lies, aiya swears by it and apparently the grocery monkeys like it too. A lady walked in ahead of me and I heard different numbers being called out. 4, 3, 8, 2. I personally had her pegged at 6. But that's only because I'm such a tank and can hold my drink. So according to my calculations (at the time) this lady's difference between the grocery monkeys was only 5.

Scenario 4
Was arguing with the Auditor about the time difference between Toronto and Colombo. It went something like this...(Minus the gratuitous use of emoticons, b/c we're both slightly heavy handed with those.)

Auditor: It's not 12:30 yet.
Me: Actually it's 12:35 now.
Auditor: Oh, so it's only a 9.5 hour time difference then.
Me: Is it?
Auditor: It's 10:05 here.
Me: hang on, isn't that 10.5 hours? Because if you add 2 hours to 10:00 that makes it 12:00. Then if you add another 30 minutes that would make it 2.5 hours? But I don't trust my math.
Auditor: Let's work backwards. Now, the time there is 12:30 and it's 10:00 here. Ok?
Me: Yes. That much I get.
Auditor: Let's go back 30 minutes. Your time is?
Me: 12:00.
Auditor: 12:00. And what's my time when yours is 12:00?
Me: You're right! It's 9.5. I told you I can't do math.

So what's the moral of this story children?
Surround yourself with people who can do math. More specifically people who use math for a living, like auditors and architects. Architects who randomly make the dean's list ;) (Congrats!) Unfortunately if your architect has had major knee surgery, he'll be prone to be very mean. They get mean when they're bored, and then they say things like the below (on their blogs) when you can't do math, and use TV as a justification.

"I've been stuck at home a lot lately, since I can't move around much. Been watching some tv, and found this show, "“Glenn Beck"” on CNN Headline News. I love it. The guy is as right-wing as you'll find on TV. All my lefty organic-eating, share-the-wealth, spread-the-love, 3-cheers-for-taxes, tree-hugging, friends will hate it I think. But I love it. It'’s really informative though, not just propaganda. Check it out lefties. ;)"

For the recrod, I hate taxes. Only because I can never calculate them, otherwise? They're great!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Sunglass-itis

Whoren looking hot! Sunglasses and photo stolen from Alby

By the time I turn 30, I think that I'll be clinically blind. What's frightening is that 30 isn't all that far away. And ya, sucks about the blindness too. Due to my reliance on glasses and my unwillingness to shove small pieces of plastic (soft or not) into my eyes sunglasses have always been a bit of an issue for me. More than an issue, a veritable pain in the ass. Getting the style of frames I want along with prescription can be a bit daunting, due to the strength of my prescription (nearly blind remember) more often than not I'm told it would be "unsafe" for me to wear what I want. So where does this leave me? Going to Sri Lanka of course and getting a pair done up for way cheaper at some dodgy little place. What the hell, I mean I'm eventually gonna go blind, might as well do so in a pair of sunglasses I like.

The only problem with this set up is, sometimes I forget that I've got my sunglasses on. They're aviators (the square kind, not the hackneyed Ray Ban-esque ones), the lenses are brown and transition gradually into a weaker tint. I have unintentionally, on more than one occasion sat through lectures with those bad boys on. Once I was at Robarts studying, and didn't notice that I was still wearing them until I got home. Ya. After spending 40 minutes on the subway, and 20 minutes on the bus. In my defence I hadn't used the washroom all day, and left my compact (hah!) at home. I wore the blasted sunglasses until 10pm that day. In scenarios such as the above, I just look like a big ass, it's not really a big deal. If anything I'm providing other people with some entertainment.

But yesterday? I bought produce with my sunglasses on. More specifically produce that needed to be checked for blemishes. Sunglasses on, typing away at a computer + sunglasses on in a library that's flooded with super bright artificial light = not being at all prepared for the fall out of buying fruit with sunglasses on.