Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Evolution by numbers.


Exhibit A


When we migrated to Canada Loku Mammah gave Thathi a pair of flannel pyjamas (which of course he refuses to get rid of and have now become a sort of family heirloom. Don't ask. Apparently this is how we honour the the memory of our loved ones, with flannel intimates). I've only ever seen him wear them once, and that was after major dental surgery. Not overly sure what dental surgery and pj's have in common, but whatevs. It was weird. Like bizzaro weird. Thathi quite simply should not wear pyjamas. Ever. It's wrong.

For as long as I could fit, I used to sit in the folds of his sarong like it was a swing, this was made easier due to the copious amount of time Thathi sat in front of the TV watching sports. I was like Roo and would quite happily while away my time pretending to understand what was going on on the TV or reading a Bernstein Bears book. Thathi's sarong and my childhood go hand in hand together.

Aiya never started wearing a sarong until he went back to Sri Lanka for the first time at 19, the heat was too much for him to handle. Now, like Thathi, in the dead of winter he still prefers a stripped cotton sarong to a pair of flannel pyjamas.

Of course the Sri Lankan sarong wearing male has had to undergo an evolution of sorts in order to survive Canada's harsh winters. They have learned to adapt.

1. The double chin
This extra layer of flub is important to maintain warmth, a type of insulation if you will. Thathi has had this along with the beard for as long as I've known him.

Aiya fortunately has always been a fat ass.

2. The '80s sweater
It is absolutely necessary that a sweater or sweatshirt from an incorrect era is worn in conjunction with the sarong. The more it clashes the better. Thathi gravitates towards off the rack Sears sweaters, but that's just a personal preference of his.

3. The remote control
When watching any type of sporting event at home, it is an abomination to do so in anything other than a sarong. Okay, maybe just at our house. But still.

4. The annoying family member
Nowadays Oliver is the only family member that can actually safely sit in the folds of Thathi's or Aiya's sarong. When Ollie was a puppy he used to flip over on his back and play with toys. Now he's an old lazy ass who just curls up and goes to sleeps in there.

5. The threadbare sarong
By all accounts a worn sarong is better than a new one. The crispness of the cotton makes it uncomfortable to sit in, and from what I've gathered it's no fun to wear either. However to achieve that worn feeling quickly, tossing said sarong into the dryer a few bajillion times would not hurt.

6. The white socks
The feet need to be insulated. 'Nuff said.

7. Gap of hilarity
This just may well be grasping, because I mean, this entire get-up is pretty absurd on its own. I feel like the sock gap between the bottom of the sarong and the top of the tube sock just pushes it over the edge though.

Happy Birthday Albehhhh!


Alby and Tool, bringing sexy back since the mid '80s


Aww. My little Alby is growing up so fast. Happy Birthday! I wish I could make it out to Molly's and watch you get hammered tonight. But alas, that's what happens when you decide to get your edumacation in the middle of a wheat field. Not my fault.

All the best babycakes, and remember, eventually a boy who can do math will come your way.

And just for you a special birthday edition of quips from lunch at Spring Rolls.

Tool: Should I tell him that he gave me incorrect change?

Me: Don't give him a good tip, he sucked.

Alby: I don't know Tool, that is a lot of cash he gave back to you.

Tool: Hang on, (counting furiously) I gave him 10 bucks and I've got like 12 bucks in change. WTF.

Me: Hot damn, clearly he now deserves a good tip.

Tool: No I feel bad, he's going to get into crap when they check the till.

Me: And that's a problem because?

Tool: Well. I know what it's like to screw up the change and stuff. (Calls waiter over.) Excuse me, but I think you gave me the wrong change back

Waiter: Oh, I'm so sorry, I thought you gave me a 20 instead of a 10. (Returns proper change)

Tool: Damn you concious. I mean conscience. It's conscience right?

Me: Oh, Tool.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A thought on the plague that is VD.


When terriers and lolipops are brought together


Ollie and I? We no likey.

In fact if any of you decide that it'd be nice to call me up in anticipation of your festivities, please spare me. And that includes your post game analysis too.

As it is I'm about to hurl.

Hope your Valentine's Day is actually full of VD.

What? Me bitter?

pfft.