To the hustings!

I always love a good election and I was kind of glad that I'd be in Colombo during the lead up to Tuesday's vote. My parents weren't too enthused with my timing because they remembered election violence, assassinations and all sorts of other lovely things when they still lived and were able to vote. On the whole, aside from all the Mahinda love, things were pretty tame in my opinion.

There was that one evening though...

I was on my way home in a 588 cab, making a left turn onto the Galle Road, there was a pick up truck reversing erratically in our direction. The cabbie lent on the horn, but the pick up kept coming at us, the windows were darkly tinted and one slowly rolled down, a man with bloodshot eyes looked at my driver, waved a pistol at him, shook his head and the pick up continued erratically along. The cabbie and I just looked at each other dumbfounded and he told me that because of the elections exchanges like the one we just had were more common place.

Great! Nothing like pissing yourself at 3:20 in the morning to remind you how fantastic it is to live in a country where only 30% of the public gives a shit enough to vote and 'election violence' means a paper cut.

Manheaven

If you want to pick up dudes under the cover of being a nerd, this is the best place to do it. Just trust me on this one.

Also, this was on Ko Samed island, wonder why they're referencing the mainland...

And these are a few of my favourite things.

In order for me to have fun times at the beach, these needed to be within grasping distance ALWAYS. My camera, the parents' wee nikon point and shoot, ipod, (obvi the iPhone too) and a book. Specifically War and Peace, which is being re-read for the first time since that first year-undergraduate intro to lit class. Oh! And my fave! My 100 baht sunglasses.

Miss Mary

Fortunately for us we got fed! Those are some sugar cookies, and that thing on the left is water! Genius! Or am I just easily pleased? Oh, and there were little packs of instant coffee, creamer, sugar and a straw at the bottom of the box along with napkins and a disinfectant wipe. The cookies, like the dried mango, were kinda assy.

Dear fido: I miss you.

I've got a lovely relationship with my mobile phone company back at home. All about the brand loyalty here people. The carrier I'm with in Bangkok? Not so hot. I was at MBK trying to deal with one of their reps and I'm not sure if their customer service is shit or English was the issue, it did not go well.

Note the time on the screengrab. It is 9:09 PM now and it's still reflecting the same balance. Let's see if I can post more pictures from the earlier points of the trip?

Excuse me...?

I had really high hopes for nice, cheap shoes...not feeling anything I've seen so far

Ok. I have gotten pretty lost in the last couple of hours but this 'Siam Centre' area is so self contained that it's all good. Plus I have no issues asking for directions. For some reason, despite being completely disoriented tourists often stop me and ask for directions. I find this really amusing. Generally I will laugh at them, wipe the tears from my eyes and sheepishly tell them that I myself don't know wtf I'm doing, but that really sweet little security guard over there? His English isn't so hot, but he plays a mean game of charades and is probably a better bet than I am at getting useful information. Then we'll usually chat for a bit, I will angrily explain that I'm actually not from America and the accnt they're hearing is Canadian. We will all look relieve at this revelation, bash America, obese American tourists and carry on our ways.

Next stop I think will be MBK. Alby and I hit it up yesterday but it was pretty late and most of the stores were shutting for the evening. Getting there is going to be so shitty though because it's not connected via 'skywalk.' Which for the record is a genius invention for keeping tourists out of the sweltering sun.

Maybe I'll grab a bite of lunch before things get insane with people. I have been up since 6:30 after all.

(originally pecked out at 12:03 January 7)

'No! Bangkok's Eastern Bus Terminal!'

We've sort of been relying on Lonely Planet's Thai guide for our directions around town. Alby and I had no idea what we'd be in for yesterday trying to get from Bangkok to Ko Samed but figured who gave a shit really, it'd be an adventure. So on Sunday morning we ambled over to the guesthouse office to find "Glory," the sweet front desk
lady and get directions. Or at the very least some names written down in Thai. No luck with that though because she was nowhere to be found and we figured we'd be able to manage on our own.

Um. Yeah.

Armed with a map we headed up to the top of the road with our backpacks. The two teenagers at the 7/11 (guys, that shit is on every corner here! It amazes me) seemed to know a bit of English so after a bit of pantomiming we managed to get them to write "Bangkok's Eastern Bus Terminal" in Thai.

The cabbie we found was pretty eager not to take us where we wanted, but straight to Rayong, which was the town we needed to get to. Alby and I both screamed "NO!" in the same tone of voice i use on Oliver and looked at him with what I assume is the steely faced determination Alby uses on her behaviourally challenged students. Eager to make peace with us he pulled out a photograph of himself riding a tiger. I'm wondering if I need to Photoshop myself into a picture like that too, if it's the universal sign of goodwill out here or something? I will take one for the team.

With the help of an American hippie we scored two tickets for what was promised to be a "luxury bus ride" to the sleepy seaside town of Rayong. Bus bay 106 at 10:00AM. (I know, that's a photo of bay 105, but my view was obstructed!) The people in Thailand have been so sweet to us so far. Neither of us have been harassed at all (unlike in Colombo) and when we got on the bus an elderly man asked to see our tickets to make sure we were on the correct bus. Even the ticketing agent double checked to make sure we hadn't effed up.

So off we went to Rayong feeling pretty confident that we'd be okay.

Oops.

I didn't realise until yesterday, when I actually took a look at my blog page, that everything looked so effed up. First off, genius that I am was sending "my email to blogger" thing to the wrong address. Kids, even though the domain maybe .blogspot the email address is .blogger. Who knew? Secondly, is anyone actually even surprised?
Anyways just to put things in some kind of coherent order:
1. I left Toronto on the 31st night
2. Landed in Frankfurt in the ealry hours of the 1st.
3. Landed in Colombo early on the 2nd.
4. Got into Bangkok early afternoon on the 2nd.
5. Left Bangkok for Ko Samed the morning of the 3rd and got here in
the afternoon.
6. Today is the 4th and I've got my ass firmly placed in a beach chair with a pool behind me, a clear blue sea in front of me, alby reading trashy tabloid magazines to the left (while my novel languishes), two leathery looking italians tanning on my right and a buffet of banana hammocks coming at me from all angles.

I think today is going to be a good day.

Cankles

Alby was sitting out on the balcony reading a book when Vichan and our hot pink cab pulled up to the guesthouse. She let out a high pitched scream (trademark alby), bolted down the stairs and was standing outside my door even before I had the chance to get out. Neither of us can believe that we're actually finally doing this trip. It's incredulous really. Even as I painstakingly peck this out on my iphone I have a hard time wrapping my head around it.

We pretty much concluded that although I was ready to curl up into a ball and fall asleep on the ceramic tiles it's probably be best for us to go out and explore instead of sitting around being tempted to sleep. I had a quick shower and off we went stupidly leaving our guidebook and maps behind.

I'm struck at how much Bangkok is like Colombo, but not. I was expecting it to be far more squalid. Maybe it's because it's the weekend but the streets seemed relatively litter free and in good condition. Vichan told me that the traffic is non-existant on the weekends so I'll have to wait and see if Thai tuk-tuk drivers are as bad as your garden variety Colombo type. The expressway from the airport into the city was impressive too. Parts of it had a very highway 401 vibe going on. But with tropical weather and palm trees. Speaking of weather, it's been perfect so far. The stifling heat and humidity that I come to expect from Colombo doesn't seem to be making an appearance here.

Alby and I set off at about 2 something, ordinarily that would be suicide in Sri Lanka. The only acceptable activity at that time over there is sleeping. First stop was the 7-11 for some supplies. It's amazing how they're EVERYWHERE. Obviously they don't sell any of the things we get back at home, but it's just jarring to me seeing them out here. Stupid multi-national corporations. I got a sim card for 49 baht that I will need to replace. The "Dtac" provider is craptastic, their network is still edge! And it's bloody expensive too. Today before we head out to ko samet I'm going on a 3g hunt.

From there we went to one of those weekend only markets. The disorganization, stench and shameless people made me feel like I was in Colombo. Poor, polite alby, she was in charge of the afternoon's expedition because I was so jetlagged and disoriented, but pushing through the crowds? I had to lead the way. I weave like a pro yo! Our haul was decent. Got these fantastic v-neck tshirts for 50 Baht and and a pair of sunglasses each. My haggling skills are a bit rusty but I did bust them out and they were useful.

I don't normally haggle when the price is fair, but if you're trying to rip me off on purpose? Hellz to the no! I'm holding off blowing too much cash on random market shit, but it was a fun afternoon and a good way to keep the jetlag at bay. We didn't get back until 8 and I was fighting trying to stay awake. So while alby sorted through her Christmas presents (photo above) I had a shower. That's when I noticed my ankles had swollen so much they were cankles. They still look a bit swollen.

It's 3:59 AM. I'm going to attempt to take a nap.

Wherein a figment of my imagination becomes a pleasant but fleeting reality.

O. Hai! This is Vichan. He drove me from the airport to my
guesthouse. Did I mention that I'm in Bangkok?!

Ugh. It's 2:14 AM and I'm so jetlagged. I've never been one of those people who's been debilitated by lack of sleep so when I forced myself to stay awake until the wild time of 9:15 PM I honest to goodness thought I'd get a few more hours than 5.

Anywho, before I get to Thailand I think it's only fair to talk about getting here from Frankfurt. I had such high expectations of the German airport, it's only natural that I was utterly disappointed. There are too many crap things to outline, but I will say one good thing, being called "Bitte" is kind of awesome.

One thing Frankfurt had to offer (which I don't think I'll forget for some years to come) was a fabulous seat companion on the Sri Lankan Airlines flight to Colombo. By the time I got my boarding pass in Frankfurt it was 20 minutes prior to take off and I was convinced I'd have to sit in a middle seat of a middle row squeezed between screeching old Amammas enroute to Chennai. (Which the flight was FULL off and screaming kids). I was taken aback when I rushed in and saw that I had a window seat in the bulkhead. My short stubby legs rejoiced! And then I rejoiced some more when I took a look at who I'd be stuck with for the next 10ish hours.

We didn't even bother exchanging names but let's call him Bill for now. I hate to travel alone, think it's because I find it very difficult to wile away the time on these long distance flights. Sleep eludes me, I get motion sickness if try to read a novel and I can never find anything enticing on the inflight movie roster to watch. Even though I'm a total cantankerous hermit (who's getting worse with age) there are times when I can turn the switch on and become a very friendly, pleasant person.

Being forced to travel alone does this to me. Before I sat down I remarked to Bill that I thought I'd get stuck sitting "over there" and pointed to some fat red faced German men who were so large they were oozing into the laps of the people beside them. To which he cheekily said in an accent I couldn't quite place "Oh I feel very sorry for those seatbelts. The stories those poor bastards would be able to tell."

With that it was on.

I miss meeting people like Bill. He reminded me again why I'm such a picky bastard when it comes to men. He was an absolutely fascinating Northern Irishmen who spent his childhood bouncing around from country to country because of his dad's work. (They even lived in Toronto for a bit!) I love that world weariness that frequent travelers have. So this is what I found out. Bill did his PhD in viral studies, specifically mosquito borne viruses so he's done a lot of work for the UN in the great lakes region in Africa. My former NGO self was squealing in delight and then had to repress the maniacal grin when he said he'd done stints with MSF in west Africa. Turns out Bill's fluent in German and French. So why was he enroute to Colombo? He's doing a specialists program with Duke university in the spread of dengue and was headed to Singapore for research.

So while flipping through our pretentios reading materials (I had the New Yorker and Harpers, he had the Economist and Wallpaper (more points awarded here for stylishness!)) we managed to make the 10 hours fly by and hung out in the Colombo airport for another ridonculous expanse of time waiting for our connections. We both grumbled that it's such a waste meeting cool people in airports fully well knowing that the likelihood of ever crossing paths again is 0, unless you live in the same city. Then we buggered off to our gates.

So. What have we learned from all of this?

1. I should be sleeping

2. My taste in men has not changed one bit in the last 5 years.

3. All the good men are placed outside of my geographical grasp making them unattainable (see point 2)

4. I don't purposely mean to be a snob (or do I?) but is it just me or do you notice the more interesting folks tend to also generally have some kind of advanced university degree? Maybe I'm just very nerdy.

5. OMG! I'm in Thailand.

Off We Go

Doesn't the window look like there's a tiny man rocking a little tiny frosted fro?

I'm about 1 hour out of Frankfurt tapping away on my iphone (which is on airport mode thank you). 2010 was welcomed in on a plane and I didn't kiss my seat companion, although she was a super cute Parisian and totally my type.

My cousin came by the house in the afternoon to say goodbye and during the course of a conversation I started whining about how this trip was a long time coming since I'm so used to heading out some place or another at least once a year. He looked at me and rolled his eyes. It's not my fault that his passport has expired and he hasn't bothered to renew it.

When I left for England I was determined to fill my current passport with more stamps to more countries than any of the previous ones. It expires in 2012 and so far hasn't done so badly. But the excitement of travel really gets zapped in certain areas when you do it frequently and there's a certain cynicism that follows.

Just before I was clearing security Ammi asked me if I was wearing a belt. Even seasoned travelers often forget that they have to remove their shit for security. I subconsciously didn't wear a belt today. I also didn't wear shoes that required lacing up, a jacket with cumbersome buttons or mismatched socks (you wouldn't believe how big of a feat that last one is for me)

But I do remember a time when air travel was far simpler and I could take a goddamn bottle of water on the plane.

There are a few firsts on this trip though, enough to have me a bit piqued at least. It was pretty wet this evening and we were a bit delayed because the plane needed to be de-iced and that's something I've never seen before. I always thought they literally go and scrape ice off the plane like we do with our windscreens in the winter. Apparently this is not the case. There's actually these two giant crane like things on either side of the wing spraying liquid and the following up with some oily/slick looking stuff.

Yeah, I know it got old very fast but still.

I've never been to the Frankfurt airport or to Germany actually. I wish I had more vacation time because I may have taken a couple of days inbetween to explore the country a bit before heading to the tropics. The airport will have to do, but word on the street is that there's bugger all to do there.

Oh, yes. I think I may be growing up a bit. I was all packed up the night before and my room isn't a complete and utter disaster. Both of these are monumental firsts.

I'm trying to think of what else but I'm blanking. Oh. I got my phone unlocked so hopefully we can has 3g connectivity whilst gallivanting.

I am nothing if I am not chaotic.

I always manage to misplace the most important things 20 seconds before I need them. Leaving for Virginia and I can't find my passport. Predictably it shows up 1.5 hours before the allocated departure time under my bed wrapped in the sleeve of a tshirt.

If this was plurk I'd be raising my red fist of anger and shaking it furiously.

恭喜發財!

Happy Chinese New Year bitchz

And for those of us who are not so down with the Chinese script, kung hei fat choi!

On the Fifth Day: Brrr.

We got pummeled with snow yesterday. When I wasn't breaking my back trying to clear off the driveway I was ensconced inside generally cursing my fate and mucking about with my camera. So for the fifth day of Christmas I find myself in a state of delusion. There are certain things that I am in desperate need of. For starters a warm place where tiki decor would be considered appropriate.

I found myself snapping pictures in my wood paneled basement and thinking of the motherland. Not in any nostalgic manner really. More of a "damn it's hot there and there isn't a snowflake in sight" kind of way. All I need is 1. Bowl of deviled cadju nuts 2. A Lion Lager for our man the fascist 3. An arrack and Coke for the Colombian 4. A yet to be determined drink for me and 5. Ice along with some warm weather. Hmm. I suppose the fifth day of Christmas then would be spent at Global Towers minus the A/C.

Here's a taste of the insanity that we had to deal with.


The view from my bedroom window


Our wee snowed in alcove. The snowdrifts by the garage door were way higher


Oliver occupying himself while I tried to figure out how to start the snow blower


So that big block of white? The snow that accumulated on the top of our iron patio table. That shit just did not stop falling


Completely ignoring me and refusing to make eye contact after we were done and I called him into the house. The git.

Now don't you wish that you were someplace warm where tiki decorations would be appropriate?

The Fourth Day: Some Beans

"Oliver, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this." Poor Ollie, truly one of the family.

Natch I totally stole the idea of the fourth day from a genius episode of Blackadder.



The second series was always my favourite. Of course anything would've been better than the horrendous first. Gah. Why don't they make more TV like this anymore? Oh wait. They do and we know what happens to smart funny shows. (Hi Arrested Development!)

It's been snowing non-stop outside today. I didn't go to church this morning, the car is buried deep in the garage and there's a three foot snowdrift that I need to dig through to get to it.

Yeah.

So not happening.

The Third Day: Westward Leading

We three kings of orient are probably the most pathetic, rag-tag bunch of kings ever.

So apparently "three French hens" is code for the three kings. Who knew.

The crown that Oliver is wearing was originally intended for the frog prince, but the eyes on the frog got in the way and the masking tape which was holding it in place gave way. Oliver had a crown made of paper but he was an ass and tried to eat it. Poor Cedric looks like a wizard.

Given the shittiness of this photo here's a bonus. Minutes after Ollie got his milkbone the frog prince was attacked. In his defense though that is one of his favourite toys. Check out the ferocious teeth.



I just cleaned out the entire basement. Have I mentioned that I miss the cleaning lady?

My baaack.....

2nd Day: Peace on Earth

"Peace on earth and mercy mild," definitely not what these two angels are harking. But we can still has anthropomorphised fun.

What better way to ring in the second day of Christmas than with my two favourite anthropomorphised peeps cheezburgerised? I've been loudly declaring that one day I would have incomplete-poorly worded-grammatically incorrect sentences dancing about in bolded block font on one of Oliver's pictures. Consider it an early Christmas present because that shit was really a pain in the ass to do.

Dipping Cedric in apple juice did nothing to allay Oliver's general suspicions towards the ceramic creature. That look? All natural. I was hoping for a photograph that was a bit more warm and squishy.

The First Day of Christmas

So I've been informed that the 12 Days of Christmas start *after* the 25th. What's the point of posting up pictures of a humiliated hound after the hype of Christmas has worn off? I suppose this could be more like a 12 day countdown to Christmas? Aka a thinly veiled reason to spam the world with photographs of my dog? Why quibble?

As far as I am concerned, today is the first day of Christmas. Screw you tradition.

We decorated the house awhile back and what fireplace hearth is complete without a disgruntled hound?

Bah humbug!

A nautical cove?

I haven't blogged in awhile. Clearly.

But today I'm getting my pirate on, and you should too. Also. Toronto, thanks for the invites to all those great mariner-themed partays, but I unfortunately cannot join ye. Yes. That's correct. Why you ask? I've managed to get myself a 9-5, and that's a bit problematic.

"Better a lapdog to a slip of a girl than, than a git!" Oh Blackadder. How I miss thee.

meh.

gah.

That seems to be all I can muster these days.

Heading back home to Toronto in a few days. I have said good-bye to Colombo so many times but I don’t think anything will compare to the one I’m prepping myself for. The complacency that I’ve found myself in has started to become a wee bit stifling, not just to a level of mild annoyance, but to the point where I’m actually a bit frightened.

Thorn and Alby are packing up to head off to London and Korea for an undisclosed period of time. That shit’s exciting yo.

Me? What am I up to? Pursuing an English degree that should’ve been my primary focus years ago and potentially coming back to Colombo in January.

OoOo Exciting. I hope you can sense the sarcasm reverberating through the internets kids. Because believe me, I can feel it.

I used to be the one who would dream up grand and elaborate schemes, relate them to you, have you blink back at me in wild bewilderment and then watch me in abject horror while I left, did and got everything I wanted.

But wtf has happened to me now?!

Aside from some humorous incidents, a few unfortunate mindf*cks, and engagement in a bit of suspect behavior, this time in Sri Lanka has been meh at best. The novelty has completely worn off, there is nothing new on offer in Colombo. You know things are bad when your boss tells you to get out while you still have your sanity.

Sometimes when I’m in the throes of depression and bitterly complaining due to the lack of interesting people my own age to hang out with and things to do you sadists will inform me of your summer happenings in sunny Toronto. (Seriously. You’ve got to stop doing that you bastards.) Before that was okay, I could handle it. While you were eating street meat and gearing up for concerts I’d be dodging dysentery and food poisoning, which was fun because it was so incredibly far removed from my own reality.

The thing is, I’m pretty fortunate. I often get told that my combination of degrees will make me one of the more well read and erudite Tim Horton’s employees, but truth be told I do believe that the field work I’ve done will lend itself to work elsewhere, not limited to Sri Lanka. And with that in mind along with everything else, I’m wondering if it’s worthwhile being friendless and miserable in Sri Lanka, or whether my angst is better spent being friendless and irritatingly excited in some other foreign shit hole.

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.