This post is brought to you by...

...my inability to do math, and boredom in an English lecture amongst other things.

Um. I can't do math. And neither can Alby, or Tool for that matter. But you guys know that already. Out of the three of us I'd have to say I'm the worst, Alby does accounting all day. And Tool? Well, Tool can at least multiply past 11. Don't know how good she is with long division though. Because long division? That's a freaking whole new ballgame right there.

I'm an artsy, I don't need math. The only time it ever crops up is when I'm vainly attempting to calculate my GPA, and then I just get Fanners to do it for me. However in the last week I've become painfully aware of how much I suck with numbers because the scenarios to use them in have seemingly increased. And it's only Thursday!

Scenario 1
Was buying a spiral bound notebook from Dollarama. As the name of the store suggests, all the items are priced at $1.00, but this particular notebook was 0.99. I had a $20.00 bill on me and some loose change, and I didn't want to break the 20. I tried to calculate what my total would be with tax since the GST+PST comes to 14%. A smart person (or one like me whose hindsight is 20/20) would've priced the notebook at $1.00 for the sake of simplicity. Of course that's not what I did. It ended in frustration, and I resigned myself mentally to breaking the 20. And the notebook? Eventually I sheepishly paid for it with a Loonie, one dime and a nickle. I felt charitable and let the cashier keep the penny.

Scenario 2
Wtf is up with taxes? Seriously. Usual rule of thumb when tipping your waitstaff in Toronto is to give them whatever the tax is. But what if you can't add the tax up? Then be thankful to God that you've gone for lunch with Whoren, who although will ridicule you, and make fun of your inability to add said taxes up, will eventually stop laughing long enough to do it for you.

Scenario 3
Usually when I head out to the grocery store I park by the loading bay. In order to get to the store entrance from this particular spot I've got to pass the grocery monkeys taking their smoke breaks. The beer scale rating system is awesome, and often never lies, aiya swears by it and apparently the grocery monkeys like it too. A lady walked in ahead of me and I heard different numbers being called out. 4, 3, 8, 2. I personally had her pegged at 6. But that's only because I'm such a tank and can hold my drink. So according to my calculations (at the time) this lady's difference between the grocery monkeys was only 5.

Scenario 4
Was arguing with the Auditor about the time difference between Toronto and Colombo. It went something like this...(Minus the gratuitous use of emoticons, b/c we're both slightly heavy handed with those.)

Auditor: It's not 12:30 yet.
Me: Actually it's 12:35 now.
Auditor: Oh, so it's only a 9.5 hour time difference then.
Me: Is it?
Auditor: It's 10:05 here.
Me: hang on, isn't that 10.5 hours? Because if you add 2 hours to 10:00 that makes it 12:00. Then if you add another 30 minutes that would make it 2.5 hours? But I don't trust my math.
Auditor: Let's work backwards. Now, the time there is 12:30 and it's 10:00 here. Ok?
Me: Yes. That much I get.
Auditor: Let's go back 30 minutes. Your time is?
Me: 12:00.
Auditor: 12:00. And what's my time when yours is 12:00?
Me: You're right! It's 9.5. I told you I can't do math.

So what's the moral of this story children?
Surround yourself with people who can do math. More specifically people who use math for a living, like auditors and architects. Architects who randomly make the dean's list ;) (Congrats!) Unfortunately if your architect has had major knee surgery, he'll be prone to be very mean. They get mean when they're bored, and then they say things like the below (on their blogs) when you can't do math, and use TV as a justification.

"I've been stuck at home a lot lately, since I can't move around much. Been watching some tv, and found this show, "“Glenn Beck"” on CNN Headline News. I love it. The guy is as right-wing as you'll find on TV. All my lefty organic-eating, share-the-wealth, spread-the-love, 3-cheers-for-taxes, tree-hugging, friends will hate it I think. But I love it. It'’s really informative though, not just propaganda. Check it out lefties. ;)"

For the recrod, I hate taxes. Only because I can never calculate them, otherwise? They're great!