And we're off!

Hungry, hungry hippo

I'm at the Bangkok airport waiting for my flight to Colombo. I've got about 2 hours to go & give or take 100 baht to burn on my 'happy' phonecard. Today started off pretty chill but got all shitastic pretty fast. The plan was to take care of some last minute shopping, deal with the post office, have a late lunch & then bugger off. This was too simple to be executed properly.

I found some super, super cute postcards at the post office & couldn't resist picking some up. So for those of you who gave me your addresses I blame you for delaying me horribly. I had no intentions of spending my morning writing, but 13 postcards later...

And guys you've got to admit my postcard writing skills are pretty badass, I don't skimp & make use of all available space. Honestly I hope you will just lie to me & tell me that you keep all of them lovingly in a box because I'd be crushed if you tossed them. For reals. Plus, you never know, they could be worth something someday!

I normally don't eat breakfast, the picture above is what I subsisted on when we were in ko samed. (Yes, that is the view from the balcony, crazy eh?) Today I had some Thai pastries while I wrote away. Which is a good thing because I kept the leftovers in my bag & just finished inhaling them now. Man I'm starved.

After the postcard writing I grabbed a few last minute things for the ladies in my life, had a lovely lunch & then headed back to the guesthouse with ample time for a shower etc. Of course the minute I step outside it starts to pour and I can't find an empty taxi, the traffic is horrendous & I begin to panic.

My uncle's going to be mortified when he gets me at the airport. I had just enough time to get back to the guesthouse, pay my bill, throw my suitcases in & then head to the airport. I'm still wearing the crap I was in this morning. Linen shorts, a tshirt & flip flops. I am certain to freeze to death on the plane yo, also because of the rain my hair has a certain je ne sais quois about it. Not the good kind.

You know how I always 'misplace' shit at the worst times? I thought I lost the keys to my luggage, then I thought my passport was gone along with my watch and iphone. Then I feel like throwing up. This is what sucks about traveling alone & being so absent minded. There's no one around to tell me to calm the shit down.

Manheaven

If you want to pick up dudes under the cover of being a nerd, this is the best place to do it. Just trust me on this one.

Also, this was on Ko Samed island, wonder why they're referencing the mainland...

And these are a few of my favourite things.

In order for me to have fun times at the beach, these needed to be within grasping distance ALWAYS. My camera, the parents' wee nikon point and shoot, ipod, (obvi the iPhone too) and a book. Specifically War and Peace, which is being re-read for the first time since that first year-undergraduate intro to lit class. Oh! And my fave! My 100 baht sunglasses.

Miss Mary

Fortunately for us we got fed! Those are some sugar cookies, and that thing on the left is water! Genius! Or am I just easily pleased? Oh, and there were little packs of instant coffee, creamer, sugar and a straw at the bottom of the box along with napkins and a disinfectant wipe. The cookies, like the dried mango, were kinda assy.

Mmm

When hitting up the 7/11 before our bus ride to Rayong alby thought it'd be a good idea to buy dried mango. Clearly this was a fail. It also smelled like ass. You know, just in case that wasn't conveyed through her facial expression and all.

Dear fido: I miss you.

I've got a lovely relationship with my mobile phone company back at home. All about the brand loyalty here people. The carrier I'm with in Bangkok? Not so hot. I was at MBK trying to deal with one of their reps and I'm not sure if their customer service is shit or English was the issue, it did not go well.

Note the time on the screengrab. It is 9:09 PM now and it's still reflecting the same balance. Let's see if I can post more pictures from the earlier points of the trip?

Excuse me...?

I had really high hopes for nice, cheap shoes...not feeling anything I've seen so far

Ok. I have gotten pretty lost in the last couple of hours but this 'Siam Centre' area is so self contained that it's all good. Plus I have no issues asking for directions. For some reason, despite being completely disoriented tourists often stop me and ask for directions. I find this really amusing. Generally I will laugh at them, wipe the tears from my eyes and sheepishly tell them that I myself don't know wtf I'm doing, but that really sweet little security guard over there? His English isn't so hot, but he plays a mean game of charades and is probably a better bet than I am at getting useful information. Then we'll usually chat for a bit, I will angrily explain that I'm actually not from America and the accnt they're hearing is Canadian. We will all look relieve at this revelation, bash America, obese American tourists and carry on our ways.

Next stop I think will be MBK. Alby and I hit it up yesterday but it was pretty late and most of the stores were shutting for the evening. Getting there is going to be so shitty though because it's not connected via 'skywalk.' Which for the record is a genius invention for keeping tourists out of the sweltering sun.

Maybe I'll grab a bite of lunch before things get insane with people. I have been up since 6:30 after all.

(originally pecked out at 12:03 January 7)

For the insomniac tourist

I'm a really light sleeper and usually if I'm woken up in the morning I find it difficult to go back to sleep. Alby left today bright and early at 6 in the AM, I was pretty zonked after an epic Wednesday that saw us back from Ko Samed and stuck in central Bangkok traffic for over 2.5 hours.

Oh and did I mention that I ass planted? On the sidewalk? In front of two bemused security guards? And alby, who just watched and laughed while I squirmed pathetically on the ground? Fortunately nothing happened to my camera or two lenses and the only bruises I sustained were to my pride. No trip is complete without international clumsiness, watch out Colombo! You've been forewarned.

Anyways, along with falling down at the most inopportune moments I'm also used to getting lost, all the time. So I figured since I was up so early to see alby off I'd make the best of my day and head into the city early. I've always thought the best way to get to know a place is to get lost in it and take public transport.

The cute front desk girl at my guesthouse pointed me in the direction of the Skytrain station with a little note incase I got lost. It had the English name of the station "Saphan kwai Skytrain Station," the Thai name and the phonetic pronunciation "Road fai fa sa phan kwai." Fortunately I made it there with no fuss, 35 baht and 20 minutes later I was hustling out of the Siam Centre station with hordes of bleary eyed office workers. Not a single tourist in sight.

It was 8:15 and the city was still a bit asleep, since it wasn't too hot I figured I'd walk around and take some pictures. Just outside of the station people were lining up for morning street eats. Things I thought were "traditional" lunch/dinner meals were going fast. I know I had local colleagues in Colombo who'd eat a rice packet and curry for breakfast. Maybe this is the same deal? Anyways while I was taking pictures a Thai lady sauntered up casually and started talking to me. She worked for the tourist bureau and asked me how I'd been enjoying my stay. She supposedly used to work for the Canadian Consulate in Bangkok and got really excited when she found out I was from Toronto. She pointed me in the direction of a free map and told
me to plan my day wisely.

And that's what I'm doing. Sitting at Starbucks with my Lonely Planet Bangkok guide and map figuring out the best places to go shopping.

Also, there are two Thai girls being hit on by an American from LA. But I believe that's a post for another time kids. It's a whole other situation. Ugh.

(originally pecked out at 10 am January 7th)

'No! Bangkok's Eastern Bus Terminal!'

We've sort of been relying on Lonely Planet's Thai guide for our directions around town. Alby and I had no idea what we'd be in for yesterday trying to get from Bangkok to Ko Samed but figured who gave a shit really, it'd be an adventure. So on Sunday morning we ambled over to the guesthouse office to find "Glory," the sweet front desk
lady and get directions. Or at the very least some names written down in Thai. No luck with that though because she was nowhere to be found and we figured we'd be able to manage on our own.

Um. Yeah.

Armed with a map we headed up to the top of the road with our backpacks. The two teenagers at the 7/11 (guys, that shit is on every corner here! It amazes me) seemed to know a bit of English so after a bit of pantomiming we managed to get them to write "Bangkok's Eastern Bus Terminal" in Thai.

The cabbie we found was pretty eager not to take us where we wanted, but straight to Rayong, which was the town we needed to get to. Alby and I both screamed "NO!" in the same tone of voice i use on Oliver and looked at him with what I assume is the steely faced determination Alby uses on her behaviourally challenged students. Eager to make peace with us he pulled out a photograph of himself riding a tiger. I'm wondering if I need to Photoshop myself into a picture like that too, if it's the universal sign of goodwill out here or something? I will take one for the team.

With the help of an American hippie we scored two tickets for what was promised to be a "luxury bus ride" to the sleepy seaside town of Rayong. Bus bay 106 at 10:00AM. (I know, that's a photo of bay 105, but my view was obstructed!) The people in Thailand have been so sweet to us so far. Neither of us have been harassed at all (unlike in Colombo) and when we got on the bus an elderly man asked to see our tickets to make sure we were on the correct bus. Even the ticketing agent double checked to make sure we hadn't effed up.

So off we went to Rayong feeling pretty confident that we'd be okay.

Oops.

I didn't realise until yesterday, when I actually took a look at my blog page, that everything looked so effed up. First off, genius that I am was sending "my email to blogger" thing to the wrong address. Kids, even though the domain maybe .blogspot the email address is .blogger. Who knew? Secondly, is anyone actually even surprised?
Anyways just to put things in some kind of coherent order:
1. I left Toronto on the 31st night
2. Landed in Frankfurt in the ealry hours of the 1st.
3. Landed in Colombo early on the 2nd.
4. Got into Bangkok early afternoon on the 2nd.
5. Left Bangkok for Ko Samed the morning of the 3rd and got here in
the afternoon.
6. Today is the 4th and I've got my ass firmly placed in a beach chair with a pool behind me, a clear blue sea in front of me, alby reading trashy tabloid magazines to the left (while my novel languishes), two leathery looking italians tanning on my right and a buffet of banana hammocks coming at me from all angles.

I think today is going to be a good day.

Cankles

Alby was sitting out on the balcony reading a book when Vichan and our hot pink cab pulled up to the guesthouse. She let out a high pitched scream (trademark alby), bolted down the stairs and was standing outside my door even before I had the chance to get out. Neither of us can believe that we're actually finally doing this trip. It's incredulous really. Even as I painstakingly peck this out on my iphone I have a hard time wrapping my head around it.

We pretty much concluded that although I was ready to curl up into a ball and fall asleep on the ceramic tiles it's probably be best for us to go out and explore instead of sitting around being tempted to sleep. I had a quick shower and off we went stupidly leaving our guidebook and maps behind.

I'm struck at how much Bangkok is like Colombo, but not. I was expecting it to be far more squalid. Maybe it's because it's the weekend but the streets seemed relatively litter free and in good condition. Vichan told me that the traffic is non-existant on the weekends so I'll have to wait and see if Thai tuk-tuk drivers are as bad as your garden variety Colombo type. The expressway from the airport into the city was impressive too. Parts of it had a very highway 401 vibe going on. But with tropical weather and palm trees. Speaking of weather, it's been perfect so far. The stifling heat and humidity that I come to expect from Colombo doesn't seem to be making an appearance here.

Alby and I set off at about 2 something, ordinarily that would be suicide in Sri Lanka. The only acceptable activity at that time over there is sleeping. First stop was the 7-11 for some supplies. It's amazing how they're EVERYWHERE. Obviously they don't sell any of the things we get back at home, but it's just jarring to me seeing them out here. Stupid multi-national corporations. I got a sim card for 49 baht that I will need to replace. The "Dtac" provider is craptastic, their network is still edge! And it's bloody expensive too. Today before we head out to ko samet I'm going on a 3g hunt.

From there we went to one of those weekend only markets. The disorganization, stench and shameless people made me feel like I was in Colombo. Poor, polite alby, she was in charge of the afternoon's expedition because I was so jetlagged and disoriented, but pushing through the crowds? I had to lead the way. I weave like a pro yo! Our haul was decent. Got these fantastic v-neck tshirts for 50 Baht and and a pair of sunglasses each. My haggling skills are a bit rusty but I did bust them out and they were useful.

I don't normally haggle when the price is fair, but if you're trying to rip me off on purpose? Hellz to the no! I'm holding off blowing too much cash on random market shit, but it was a fun afternoon and a good way to keep the jetlag at bay. We didn't get back until 8 and I was fighting trying to stay awake. So while alby sorted through her Christmas presents (photo above) I had a shower. That's when I noticed my ankles had swollen so much they were cankles. They still look a bit swollen.

It's 3:59 AM. I'm going to attempt to take a nap.

Wherein a figment of my imagination becomes a pleasant but fleeting reality.

O. Hai! This is Vichan. He drove me from the airport to my
guesthouse. Did I mention that I'm in Bangkok?!

Ugh. It's 2:14 AM and I'm so jetlagged. I've never been one of those people who's been debilitated by lack of sleep so when I forced myself to stay awake until the wild time of 9:15 PM I honest to goodness thought I'd get a few more hours than 5.

Anywho, before I get to Thailand I think it's only fair to talk about getting here from Frankfurt. I had such high expectations of the German airport, it's only natural that I was utterly disappointed. There are too many crap things to outline, but I will say one good thing, being called "Bitte" is kind of awesome.

One thing Frankfurt had to offer (which I don't think I'll forget for some years to come) was a fabulous seat companion on the Sri Lankan Airlines flight to Colombo. By the time I got my boarding pass in Frankfurt it was 20 minutes prior to take off and I was convinced I'd have to sit in a middle seat of a middle row squeezed between screeching old Amammas enroute to Chennai. (Which the flight was FULL off and screaming kids). I was taken aback when I rushed in and saw that I had a window seat in the bulkhead. My short stubby legs rejoiced! And then I rejoiced some more when I took a look at who I'd be stuck with for the next 10ish hours.

We didn't even bother exchanging names but let's call him Bill for now. I hate to travel alone, think it's because I find it very difficult to wile away the time on these long distance flights. Sleep eludes me, I get motion sickness if try to read a novel and I can never find anything enticing on the inflight movie roster to watch. Even though I'm a total cantankerous hermit (who's getting worse with age) there are times when I can turn the switch on and become a very friendly, pleasant person.

Being forced to travel alone does this to me. Before I sat down I remarked to Bill that I thought I'd get stuck sitting "over there" and pointed to some fat red faced German men who were so large they were oozing into the laps of the people beside them. To which he cheekily said in an accent I couldn't quite place "Oh I feel very sorry for those seatbelts. The stories those poor bastards would be able to tell."

With that it was on.

I miss meeting people like Bill. He reminded me again why I'm such a picky bastard when it comes to men. He was an absolutely fascinating Northern Irishmen who spent his childhood bouncing around from country to country because of his dad's work. (They even lived in Toronto for a bit!) I love that world weariness that frequent travelers have. So this is what I found out. Bill did his PhD in viral studies, specifically mosquito borne viruses so he's done a lot of work for the UN in the great lakes region in Africa. My former NGO self was squealing in delight and then had to repress the maniacal grin when he said he'd done stints with MSF in west Africa. Turns out Bill's fluent in German and French. So why was he enroute to Colombo? He's doing a specialists program with Duke university in the spread of dengue and was headed to Singapore for research.

So while flipping through our pretentios reading materials (I had the New Yorker and Harpers, he had the Economist and Wallpaper (more points awarded here for stylishness!)) we managed to make the 10 hours fly by and hung out in the Colombo airport for another ridonculous expanse of time waiting for our connections. We both grumbled that it's such a waste meeting cool people in airports fully well knowing that the likelihood of ever crossing paths again is 0, unless you live in the same city. Then we buggered off to our gates.

So. What have we learned from all of this?

1. I should be sleeping

2. My taste in men has not changed one bit in the last 5 years.

3. All the good men are placed outside of my geographical grasp making them unattainable (see point 2)

4. I don't purposely mean to be a snob (or do I?) but is it just me or do you notice the more interesting folks tend to also generally have some kind of advanced university degree? Maybe I'm just very nerdy.

5. OMG! I'm in Thailand.