I wish it would stop raining.

A few odds and ends my lovelies. I got a new toy for my camera and have been snapping shit up.


My rain drenched driveway

I was observing a focus group on Thursday and inbetween the bajillion sessions my white middle aged client turns to the "hip young" account exec from the "hip young" ad agency and starts complaining about the weather. Apparently the client has been unable to use the pool the whole summer despite it being heated. As I inwardly rolled my eyes to the back of my skull the account exec's witty riposte went something along the lines of "Yeah I haven't been able to hit Muskoka and engage in some shit faced boating." (Drunk boating is BAD kids!) While I was trying to keep the chicken salad I was eating from climbing up my throat and spewing across my laptop at this blatant exhibit of elite WASP-ism, I caught myself.

Last week I was cursing Zeus for making it impossible for me to waste the early part of my week in an inner tube with my sunglasses and a drink. Then on Wednesday I got news that our planned cottage escape for the end of August? Canceled because the mate's parent's cottage has been heavily damaged by the torrential rains.

A quick perusal of the list at Stuff White People Like proved to be rather uncomfortable to a lass like me. Although the official title of "whitest brown person ever" belongs to my stateside doppelgänger I think that I may be swiftly moving in on that.

Disgusting? Absolutely.

Three cheers to upwards mobility though.

Moving along.


Oliver trying to escape from inside my grocery bag

One of the great things about being a consultant is the ability to do bugger all during the day and set your own hours. I was on an excursion last week at the famous grocery store and while bagging my groceries it occurred to me that I had totally become the caricature that I've been trying to vainly avoid for most of my adult existence. Someone recently, much to my chagrin, informed me that I have no reason to complain because I perpetuate it. As I looked down in my hand was a box of organic strawberries and rolling down my direction along the conveyor belt were some omega 3 fortified eggs, flax seed granola and low fat cream cheese amongst a host of other things.

In high school I was the spunky ethnic sidekick. I suppose now it's only fitting that I stop resisting and morph into the spunky-ethnic-suburban yuppie with a twist? (See below)


I've been in the market for a new watch for awhile. When I turned 15 Aiya got me a gorgeous vintage watch that I love dearly and am now petrified to wear. It's got a classic face and strap, it's totally timeless and classic. Having no money and a need for a timepiece I, like thorn, opted to hit up the local fleamarket to get the above gem for a steal of a deal. The place smelled like Majestic City on an average day and since I was feeling rather nostalgic, there was nary a tweet of complaint. It's a damn shame that I don't have $400 just casually lying around because I SO want one of these. Hopefully after a bit more corporate whoring I'll be able to justify that purchase by the end of next month.


Gaudy costume jewelery

Speaking of Majestic City, Thathi's office was one of the main sponsors of Masala!Mehndi!Masti! as a result our unwilling asses were dragged down thataways. Aiya and I both felt like we were back in Colombo. Poor sanitation, questionable food handling, lecherous men all present in spades and minus the 22 hour plane ride! The only plus side? I've discovered a few fantastic local South Asian artists who I'll definitely be calling in the near future to procure some original work.


A surprisingly dry day at the park
My dog is getting old people. This pose? It's becoming the norm when we go out for our walks these days. He does this and refuses to get up off the ground until he's caught his breath. I think it's time to start looking around for his replacement.


Cedric repping on top of a phone booth


And for all those who asked? Yes. The trip really sucked. But it's Virginia. What do you expect?

One last thing.

The Olympics?

TOTALLY ADDICTED.

My apologies in advance to everyone for falling off of the grid until August 24th. Seriously nothing makes me feel more patriotic than watching Canadian athletes engaging in physical activity. Especially when we have such a good looking contingent this year. Mmm.


Brent Hayden, one of our medal hopefuls


Our flagbearer Adam van Koeverden

Go team Canada.

Quips: The Super Bowl Edition

Has it really been this long
since the last edition of quips? Awful.

Live blogging from the Super Bowl! It could be because I will be passing out directly after the game is over. And right now it's going so slowly I figured I could squeeze in a wee bit o' blogging.

We are a family of eaters. It's well documented. Super Bowl is usually tex-mex, as an homage to our neighbours to the South, also fitting since this year's game was in Arizona.

Aiya was in charge of doing the chicken wings and salsa, he was supposed to bring around some guac but apparently the hotel "ran out" of avocados. Pfft. The chicken wings of course were fab, and he concocted the perfect hot sauce for it.

Me: This hot sauce isn't so bad, why'd you make it so mild?
Aiya: You know Ammi can't handle the spice.
Me: OMG *coughing*
Aiya: *laughing manically*
Me: Dude. What the hell, this shit is hot.
Aiya: I know, i made it so it would have a delayed reaction.
Me: *sputtering* It really gets you unaware
Aiya: Yes. I call it the pervert, the feeling of the burn is the same as when you've been felt up by someone unwanted.
Me: So like when you're on a crowded bus in Sri Lanka?
Aiya: Exactly.

I had planned on setting up a photo opp with Oliver and Cedric an mentioned this to Aiya. Laziness of course prevented me from going through with it.
Me: Dude, I think Cedric's red hat will make him a perfect Giant's fan. I smell photo-op
Aiya: I want a smallish doll/action figure to take photos of in various situations.
Me: I can get you a gnome too, but you don't really travel.
Aiya: No guy. I'm going to get a Blythe Doll. And then dress it up as a chef.
Me: You are teh ghey.

Discussing who we were rooting for.
Aiya: So who's your support behind?
Me: Pats all the way. You?
Aiya: You know, I'm sort of feeling the Giants.
Me: WTF? Why? You hate New Yorkers!
Aiya: I know, but it would be sort of nice for both those brothers to have rings.
Me: Dude. So ghey. What's their dad's name again?
Aiya: Preston Manning.
Me: SHUT THE MOM UP! Like Preston Manning? As in PRESTON MANNING?
Aiya: You're an idiot, no his name's Walter Manning.
Me: Dude, that's so uncanny though.
Aiya: You know he's their dad's cousin though right? The Manning with the brains.
Me: Shut up.

Oliver was wondering in and out of the room through the course of the evening. At one point he was sitting half on my lap and half on thathi's.
The room collectively: EWW what the hell is that smell.
Me: that was Oliver, he just let one rip. I felt it.
Thathi: Chik Oliver!
Oliver: Tries to snuggle up to thathi
Me: *Looks down at where Oliver was sitting* OMG, OLIVER. YOU FAG.
Aiya: What did he do?
Me: HE LEFT A SKID MARK ON MY PANT LEG.
The Room: *Collective Laughter*
A little while later
Ammi: What's that stench?
Me: That would be me.
Aiya: It's all that pervert she ate.
Ammi: *Looking for another place to sit* Thathi! Move your legs (she doesn't actually call him thathi, but come on.)
Aiya: Ammi, are you sure you want to do that? He had a lot of pervert too.
Ammi: I'm going to sit here on the couch, move your legs, and don't fart. Or if you're going to, tell me so I can brace myself.
Me: You're kidding right? You actually expect him to do be able to do that?
Aiya: Ammi, come on, that's like asking the guy not to breath. What's wrong with you?

And that's a wrap kids.

Oh and yes. The game is starting to heat up. I will not be formating the above. New York seems to have the game. :29 seconds left!

Edit 1: 1 second to go
People have now rushed the field, someone has been prematurely dumped with gatorade and New York already has their victory hats on.
Aiya: TAKE THOSE HATS OFF, THEY'RE NOT YOURS.
Aiya: Imagine if New England does something to win? They'd have to vacuum that guy dry.

Edit 2: The Giants have won.
Plexico takes the field to do his victory interview.
Aiya: Here comes the eloquence we've been waiting for all evening. WTF kind of name is Plexico anyways? It sounds like glass or something.

The Fourth Day: Some Beans

"Oliver, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this." Poor Ollie, truly one of the family.

Natch I totally stole the idea of the fourth day from a genius episode of Blackadder.



The second series was always my favourite. Of course anything would've been better than the horrendous first. Gah. Why don't they make more TV like this anymore? Oh wait. They do and we know what happens to smart funny shows. (Hi Arrested Development!)

It's been snowing non-stop outside today. I didn't go to church this morning, the car is buried deep in the garage and there's a three foot snowdrift that I need to dig through to get to it.

Yeah.

So not happening.

The Third Day: Westward Leading

We three kings of orient are probably the most pathetic, rag-tag bunch of kings ever.

So apparently "three French hens" is code for the three kings. Who knew.

The crown that Oliver is wearing was originally intended for the frog prince, but the eyes on the frog got in the way and the masking tape which was holding it in place gave way. Oliver had a crown made of paper but he was an ass and tried to eat it. Poor Cedric looks like a wizard.

Given the shittiness of this photo here's a bonus. Minutes after Ollie got his milkbone the frog prince was attacked. In his defense though that is one of his favourite toys. Check out the ferocious teeth.



I just cleaned out the entire basement. Have I mentioned that I miss the cleaning lady?

My baaack.....

2nd Day: Peace on Earth

"Peace on earth and mercy mild," definitely not what these two angels are harking. But we can still has anthropomorphised fun.

What better way to ring in the second day of Christmas than with my two favourite anthropomorphised peeps cheezburgerised? I've been loudly declaring that one day I would have incomplete-poorly worded-grammatically incorrect sentences dancing about in bolded block font on one of Oliver's pictures. Consider it an early Christmas present because that shit was really a pain in the ass to do.

Dipping Cedric in apple juice did nothing to allay Oliver's general suspicions towards the ceramic creature. That look? All natural. I was hoping for a photograph that was a bit more warm and squishy.

Indecision 2008: London Calling.

Cedric hailing a cab.

Oh come on. You knew that title was coming.

A note on the photo. I bought Cedric a couple of weeks back when I was shopping with Elisa. We were getting Alby's Christmas shiz to send over to Korea when she with her eagle eyes spotted Cedric on a little rotating stand thing at Indigo. Being the impulsive shopper that I am and also well aware of the fact that omg it was a knome, I pounced on the little blighter and purchased. At that point I still didn't have an effing clue where I would be heading come 2008 but I knew that wherever it was I'd definitely find a use to gratuitously take photographs of a ceramic knome. God knows that Oliver will be sincerely missed.

Thought it would only be fitting to trot Cedric out after I had made the final decision in indecision 2008. For some of you this is old news but there are a couple out there who haven't heard the full story of how I decided that London would be the next place my suitcases would be dropped.

I was to meet one of Ammi's business associates bright and early on an effing cold Wednesday morning. Suffice it to say I was shitting myself. Most people in Ammi's line of work are arrogant bastards who have ulterior motives and hidden agendas which are barely concealed. In the back of my mind I had a nagging feeling that the only reason why the President of a well established Toronto media monopoly would condescend to meet me is because he wanted to curry favour with Ammi. Incidentally he was also my contact in South Africa and had assured me (through ammi of course) that anything I wanted to do in Capetown could be pre-arranged through him. All I had to do was name the field and he would take care of the rest. (He was born and brought up in Capetown, all his family is still out there. Saying that he was/is well connected would be stating the bleeding obvious.)

9:30 was supposed to be our meeting time, of course I was freaking the shit out and took a cab from St.Andrew station instead of hopping the street car. I thought I'd be horrendously late. Way to get their 10 minutes early due to panic. As I sat their stewing in my own sense of impending doom I thought that perhaps sending a whiny text message to the fascist may calm me down. This did not work as he responded that he was boozing with the Colombian. I would've much rather been with them at that point than sitting in that stiff backed chair in uncomfortable shoes, perspiring way more than is normal for November.

The Seth Afrikaan finally made his appearance and I was able to get my shit together pretty fast. (Aside: that little talent of mine? Remember? Of the first impressions always being spot on? SPOT ON.) Within the first five minutes I knew I was seated across one of the very few people within the industry who had an honest and deep rooted sense of sincerity. Turns out he too started off as a bleeding heart but got equally jaded and cynical as I. Did his master's thesis on the distribution of wealth and the IMF in South Africa. According to him, we're kindreds.

Have you ever gotten that feeling, while you're having a conversation, while in the throes of it that this conversation? The one you're having at this precise moment is going to go down as being one of the most pivotal and influential ones in your life? Almost like the director's cut commentary on a DVD. You're aware of what's being said and done in the present but at the same time you've retreated so far back into your own head trying to process the magnitude of what's happening.

That's how I felt. It went beyond a chat about what career opportunities I would find in South Africa, and shifted gears completely. The man I met to pave the way for me to go to South Africa eventually convinced me that there's no better place for me than London.

In one hour I gained more clarity and perspective on my future than I would have hoped to gain in 9 months mucking about on my own.